According to Sheryl Crow, the 45-year-old singer, we can curb global warming by limiting the amount of toilet tissue we use to only one square, except on those occasions when 2 or 3 may be needed because of pesky body waste.
Wh-what!
Hell, this morning alone I used 30 or 40 squares in just one sitting. I guess my waste is just more pesky than most. Saving trees by reducing the amount of toilet tissue we use is, well, a crappy idea. Sheryl revealed this stunning and insightful ecologic breakthrough on her blog along with several other suggestions to fight global warming and stop the destruction of the world as we know it. Among her other bright ideas is a removable “dining sleeve” to wipe your greasy mouth with instead of using paper napkins, and a reality show geared on which the winner would be the person who lives the “greenest” lifestyle.
What can I say but, Brilliant!
In the spirit of Ms. Crow’s blog, I would like to make a few suggestions to her of my own:
1. Stop selling your CD’s. CD’s are made of plastic and other materials that require refining and manufacturing processes that pollute the air and create hydrocarbons. Your CD’s are killing the environment!
2. Stop flying anywhere. Airplanes are jet fuel hogs and increase our dependency on fossil fuels which dump toxins and poisons into our air and kill the environment!
3. Stop appearing on television. Televisions require complex manufacturing processes that – you guessed it – emit toxins and kill the environment.
4. Stop talking. Talking causes you to exhale more carbon dioxide which is a greenhouse gas that causes global warming which is – all together now – killing the environment.
5. Don’t eat broccoli. Broccoli is a vegetable that is known to cause gas in the digestive system. This gas is essentially methane which, like carbon dioxide, is a greenhouse gas and – right side of the room – is killing – now the left side of the room – the environment.
I believe Rush Limbaugh said it best this afternoon, “If you only use one square of toilet tissue, the only thing you are likely to attract is flies!”
Wh-what!
Hell, this morning alone I used 30 or 40 squares in just one sitting. I guess my waste is just more pesky than most. Saving trees by reducing the amount of toilet tissue we use is, well, a crappy idea. Sheryl revealed this stunning and insightful ecologic breakthrough on her blog along with several other suggestions to fight global warming and stop the destruction of the world as we know it. Among her other bright ideas is a removable “dining sleeve” to wipe your greasy mouth with instead of using paper napkins, and a reality show geared on which the winner would be the person who lives the “greenest” lifestyle.
What can I say but, Brilliant!
In the spirit of Ms. Crow’s blog, I would like to make a few suggestions to her of my own:
1. Stop selling your CD’s. CD’s are made of plastic and other materials that require refining and manufacturing processes that pollute the air and create hydrocarbons. Your CD’s are killing the environment!
2. Stop flying anywhere. Airplanes are jet fuel hogs and increase our dependency on fossil fuels which dump toxins and poisons into our air and kill the environment!
3. Stop appearing on television. Televisions require complex manufacturing processes that – you guessed it – emit toxins and kill the environment.
4. Stop talking. Talking causes you to exhale more carbon dioxide which is a greenhouse gas that causes global warming which is – all together now – killing the environment.
5. Don’t eat broccoli. Broccoli is a vegetable that is known to cause gas in the digestive system. This gas is essentially methane which, like carbon dioxide, is a greenhouse gas and – right side of the room – is killing – now the left side of the room – the environment.
I believe Rush Limbaugh said it best this afternoon, “If you only use one square of toilet tissue, the only thing you are likely to attract is flies!”
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