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What is That, A Really Big Oompah-Loompah?

I have always been a fan of the classic movie Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. There is something vaguely disturbing about the maniacal way Gene Wilder conducts the tour of the magical chocolate factory. This is a movie that shows moral degeneration, full of veiled threat, and darkly perverse in a candy-coated kind of way.

This week photos surfaced of Presidential Candidate John Kerry. In them he sports a new tan that, well, has a distinctly orange hue. It kind of reminds me of this evil little people in the Willy Wonka movie. You know the ones that make the chocolate, work in the research labs, and see to the naughty children that go astray of dear Mr. Wonka's rules.




Do you get the feeling that the distinguished gentleman from Massachusetts is trying too hard to be liked by the ladies? Maybe he is feeling a bit over-shadowed by his running mate John Edwards' sway with the female voters. If that's the case it isn't working. Consider this quote from Lynn Cheney when her husband Vice President Dick Cheney was trying to describe the orange color of some supporter's shirts, "How about John Kerry's suntan?"

OK, so its not such a terrible jab. Its not even particularly witty, but it must have hit a nerve because it generated a rather indignant response from Kerry campaign spokesman Bill Burton, "Is Mrs. Cheney jealous considering how hard it is to get sun in the undisclosed location with her husband Dick? Or is she distracted over how red-in-the-face George Bush should be considering his failed presidency?"

Now there's a Hell of a comeback! You can always depend on those Kerry people to not stick their tongues out or stick their thimb in their ears and waggle their fingers. Maybe a more appropriate response would have been, "Nya, nya, na."

Back to the issue of the suntan. Maybe John should think less about which bottle to get it from and more about the issues at hand. Of course if his tanning habits are anything like his campaign, you can expect him to switch brands several times before the election. Just to be sure that he doesn't upset any of the manufacturers.

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